Friday, March 4, 2011

A Realization.....

I can say that I might have gotten side-tracked or I've just been too busy or had to stay focus on my own responsibilities or ?  but I'm not sure what the excuse is for not having to not continue on here with the book review I had started as I had said I was going to do or into even blog anything at all.  I just haven't taken the time to is all because I did have the time.  I think also that my heart wasn't into doing it anymore but then I realized something the other night.  I did not get any sleep that night; I kept waking up every 45min./hour and when I finally went back to sleep, I was awake again soon after.  So what I did during those "awake times" was what I used to do when this happened; pray for whoever/whatever came to mind. Do you know what/who came to mind?  Me.  I came to realize that I wasn't being "A Woman After God's Own Heart".  Sure, I was going through the "motions" but my heart wasn't in it.  I was home alone that same evening with Randy working late and girls not home.  It was too quiet.  I didn't have anything that needed to be done except dinner but I was just piddling around waiting to hear from Randy of when he was on his way home as dinner wasn't going to take long to cook.  I felt lost.  I did have a "small prick of heart" that I needed to face some things but I wouldn't admit it, even to myself, that I needed to "take care" of some things in my heart.  It is so easy to go through the motions/routines of the day without paying attention to what one is doing because they have become habits, and that's what I have been doing.  I realized that this have been going on for a long time.  It seems that the routines I have, that I do, have just been that, a habit.  Good habits to have/do is a good thing but my heart just wasn't into doing them, into doing anything really.  I was just going through the motions.  This time of quiet reflections had made me realize that I had lost my first love for my Lord.  It was something I had not realized until I took the time to sit (or I should say lay in this case), be still, and listen during this "prayer time" with my Saviour.  After much time in prayer about myself, it ended up to be a sweet hour(s) of prayer and I am glad that I was able to have it.
I am now going to really pay attention to what I do and to get my heart to where I can be A Woman After God's Own Heart.  No matter what it is that we all have to do, be responsible for, we should still be doing it for the Lord in actions and attitude on how it is done.  What we do may seem minute to someone else but everything we are responsible to do, that needs to be done, should be done for the Lord.  For me, for example, just doing things around the house, may not be much for the other woman that has a career but I should still be doing it for the Lord because he gave me those things to be responsible for and the ability to do them--which is just as important for the other woman in God's eyes--and I should be thankful to be able to do those things and to do them with my whole heart for the Lord.  (I hope all that made sense)
I am going to start from the beginning of this book review, for myself.  As I go through, or maybe it won't be until I am finished, I will continue to post my review/comments/of what I learned.


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